I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
