just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
this is an emotional support booty call
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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