i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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