Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
