you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
