you guys were way drunker than both of me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
