Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
