some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
