Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
