So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
