is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
