I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
