he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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