I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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