sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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