Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
