Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
