what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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