i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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