just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
