I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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