why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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