rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
