Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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