saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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