I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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