i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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