I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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