he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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