I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
