Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
