so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
