meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
