I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
should my penis look like a turkey
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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