you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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