u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
