its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are all done wearing pants today
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