I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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