me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
