whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
