I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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