So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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