Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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