I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
