I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
