Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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