I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
