I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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