Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
