I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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