If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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