She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
