were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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