Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
