i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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