I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
