Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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