I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
