You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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