It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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