My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
