do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
