He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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