I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
