My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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