I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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