I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
