So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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