just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
