Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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