P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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