Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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