Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
