That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
