I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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