jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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