Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
