omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
