Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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