Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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