Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
