now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
